গল্পেরা

১.

জানুয়ারি প্রায় শেষেরদিকে , শীত যাবো যাবো করেও যাচ্ছে না। ঘড়ির কাটায় ৮ টা বেজে ৫৮ মিনিট। ধূসর সকালে,সূর্যের দেখা নেই। সল্টলেক এর পঁচা খাল টাও কুয়াশায় ঢেকে,এক অদ্ভুত মায়াবী আবেশ সৃষ্টি করেছে। আমি সল্টলেকে যাওয়ার ২০৬ ফুটব্রিজ এর ওপর থেকে একটা ছবি তুললাম, তার। ব্রিজ পেরিয়ে সল্টলেকে পৌঁছে হাঁটার গতি বাড়ালাম। এদিকটায় কেষ্টপুরের এর থেকে গাড়িঘোড়া কম, যানযট নেই তেমন। আজ নেতাজি সুভষচন্দ্র এর জন্মদিবস। রাস্তায় কোথাও কোথাও কচিকাঁচাদের জটলা, লাউডস্পিকারে তাদের অভিভাবকদের তাদের নিয়ন্ত্রণ করতে আদেশ করা হচ্ছে।আমি পাশ কাটিয়ে চললাম ডান দিকের একটু নিরিবিলি রাস্তা ধরে । রাস্তার দুধারে দোতলা তিনতলা বাড়ি, তাতে লোক থাকে কিনা বোঝার উপায় নেই। দরজা জানালা বন্ধ সবসময়, উপরতলার বারান্দার বাইরের থেকে জামা কাপড় ঝুলতে দেখা যায় না, কেউ হয়তো কাপড় জামা কাচেন না। দুয়েকটা বাড়ীর সামনে পার্ক করা দামী গাড়ি,বাড়ীর ভেতরে থাকা লোকের অস্তিত্ব এর জানান দিচ্ছে। যেতে যেতে চোখে পড়ল সেরকমই একটা বাড়ীর দিকে। জঞ্জাল সংগ্রহ করার গাড়িটা দাঁড়িয়েছে এসে বাড়ীরটার দোরগোড়ায়। তার সাফাইওয়ালা এর,চিত্ত ব্যাকুল করা বাঁশির শব্দে, যিনি বেরিয়ে আসলেন, ভদ্রলোকের চেহারার মধ্যে আভিজাত্যের ছাপ। বয়স হবে ৬০ এর আশপাশে। গায়ে বাদামি নকশা করা শাল জড়ানো, বা হাতে ডাস্টবিন। আমি এই তুচ্ছ ঘটনা টা দেখে ভাবলাম, মানুষ যতই দম্ভ করুক, সময়বিশেষে নিজের নোংরা নিজেকেই পরিষ্কার করতে হয়। আবার হাটার গতি বাড়ালাম, স্টেপ কাউন্ট টার্গেট এ পৌঁছতে হবে যে।

Online Presence: A Digital Trap?

 

Are we going deep into the digital trap? We spend most of our time online, for business or pleasure. I, myself am an addict of online payment systems. But now when I see myself from a distance, I realize it is a cage. The social-media triggers me, but I still use it to connect with the world outside my room. despite knowing most of them are manipulated information, I do mind-numbing scrolling for hours. Sometimes I take breaks from social networks for 2–7 days. The algorithm of those websites or apps shows content to trigger releasing of dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical. Nowadays AI has all our data. Actually, IT Giants already had our data. Now they just feed those to the AI model to train the model so that it can show us relevant info. They are controlling us by showing Ads, and content that they want us to see. Political parties use this media to condition our brains. But they don't want us to realize that. We think we are making decisions on our own. Previously society would do this job. Every decision we make is the result of that conditioning. We don't have free will, but we had freedom of choice previously. now we have lost that luxury. We all are consumers in this modern world, so as is every newborn. Corporations need Humans to work for and to consume so that they can make a profit. Even if you don't use the internet you are still being controlled by them because a major part of society is influenced by the events happening in the virtual world. Images, text, Videos etc form our opinion. So one has to be rebellious to think and work differently. And chances that society will isolate you then, and as a consequence, you will start using social media just to fill the void. It is a vicious cycle.

In my country government track every online transaction we make. Payment made to street vendors selling snacks is also not out of its vigilance. We can avoid this situation by paying by cash. A street vendor got an income tax notice just because of that.On the other hand Government waive off thousands of crores of loan of billioniers. It is also beneficial to corporations to track our buying habits so that they can push ads, notifications etc to lure us to buy things we don't need. The FOMO strategy easily propagates through social media. Now if anyone wants to open a bank account, he or she must possess a valid mobile number. So one has to buy a SIM, which will provide users to Teleome companies. That’s why the rich are becoming richer. The crony capitalists don't want us to vanish as we are the producers as well as consumers of their manufactured products and services. So they provide us with some benefits of information technology, like the progress of Medical science, space technology,Edu-tech industry etc.

The online delivery apps are also there to cage us. We are becoming so dependent on those for everyday life, we will forget about social interaction soon. We can get grocery within 10 min ,foods within 30 min , electronics, books etc within a day, without stepping out of the comfort zone of our room . Brain fog ,Brain rot surfacing the modern vocabulary . These app entice so much attention. Those service are not on our finger tip ,we are in the palm of their hand.

Also I’ve noticed the tiny device we wear everyday, the smart watch also control us. Compulsion of checking count of steps and other vital stats every hours distract me from focusing on work . Besides that noticitaions popped up every now and then. of course we can diable those,but then whats the point of wearing the smart watch,band.

I can conclude saying that the digital world is a golden cage. it is “hotel california”. 

Philosophy, The Pandora’s Box for me

 

Iwas searching for the meaning of life. it has been a decade since I started watching Advaita Vedanta videos, I tried to read Vedanta. Then, a few of my friends who did Vipassana suggested doing a 10-day Vipassana course. As I was exploring various paths to get the answer, I decided to do it. But before that, I decided to quit my job and took my first long break. The course enriched my thoughts and knowledge. For the last year, I have had the opportunity to enquire about Western Philosophy. It was suggested that I watch a Hindi Philosophy channel. I started reading about existentialism, nihilism, and the absurdist concept of modern philosophy. I also tried to gather more knowledge about Socrates, Plato and other philosophers and their works. It was a kind of coping mechanism for my meaningless corporate life. In modern philosophy, Nietzsche’s concept of Übermensch, the solution to the death of god and nihilism, helped me to think of a way to overcome the situation of nihilism in my life. Albert Camus’s idea of Absurdism equally amazed me. In his book-long essay “The Myth of Sisyphus” he projected Sisyphus, the Greek mythological character, as an absurd man. Sisyphus was punished for defying God. As a punishment, he would have to roll a boulder(rock) up a mountain. As the rock reaches the top, it rolls down again and Sisyphus starts pushing it up again. Camus writes “It is during that return, that pause, that Sisyphus interests me”. Life is absurd and it has no inherited meaning, just like the punishment of Sisyphus. But Sisyphus despite knowing the futility of his task, enjoyed the endless journey.

Ialso realised the absurdity of life. Human tries to reason everything, that’s why absurdity hits them hard. And they commit Philosophical suicide. So did I fail because of taking everything philosophically, or did Philosophy come to me as a blessing in this Society defined “Failed Life”?

I tried to learn many things in my life. I tried to learn foreign languages, I continued learning. I also tried to learn to play the guitar. In these cases, I failed to achieve any observable milestone. My Software development career has taken a nose dive. Though I don't want to tag myself with any profession. my one and only miserably failed relationship left me with some good and bad memories, which I have to carry as long as my brain is working. So my point is, that this Philosophy helped me to perceive reality objectively. It soothes all the pain of my human life. Now I consider other perspectives before speaking about anything. As Sisyphus, we just have to take a pause and enjoy the absurdity, enjoy the process itself.

Resources:-

https://youtu.be/05wyW01NUjI?si=RZ4IfBMatv8NSKhF youtube.com/@Faraz74811/videos

Consumerism: the vicious circle

“Consumerism is a social and economic order in which the aspirations of many individuals include the acquisition of goods and services beyond those necessary for survival or traditional displays of status.”  Wikipedia

 

    Consumerism is the modern-day opium for the society, Modern societies are so obsessed with it now, that even procreation also aims to contribute to this consumerist society. Consumerism always helps the rich to become richer. It can not stay alive alone, it requires a continuous supply of consumers or cheap labourers or producers. This is a vicious circle.

            Capitalists have a huge stack of money at their disposal, which is also collected from the people, potential consumers or workers. These capitalists with a small portion of that money can lure the people to consume their product. We call this process marketing and advertisement. The only way to break the cycle is to train the mind equanimity. We need to learn the art of slow living. When we stop fuelling the consumerist society, those capitalists will become weak. Of course, there will still be a few rich and ultra-rich, as before, but we will not be filling their pockets by surrendering to consumerism as we are doing now. Also, as we will have less desire to acquire unnecessary things and services, we would be requiring less money to survive, and Jobs will be less stressful. The development will be sustainable, consequently, everyone will have their portion of natural resources. Right now, crony capitalists control those resources with the help of their government friends.

            We buy most of the things because we want them, not we because need them. Even for daily consumables things, we fall for the trap of discounts, and end up buying an excess amount of them, resulting in overconsumption. The want is influenced heavily by the ads also. Some ads would show, how important it is to have a particular phone, to gain status in society. Now Replace the word “Phone” with car, house etc, the meaning will remain the same.

            Nowadays we do most jobs without passion, especially corporate jobs, just because of this illusive view of reality. The nature of jobs is also profit-centric only.

            I have not seen much of innovation lately in the field of science and technology. The AI is not a new thing, we have just enhanced it in the last few decades. Most of the R&D is now consumer-centric as it will give profit to corporates. I am not much aware of things happening in the medical domain, But I assume even those would be profit-driven.

Consumerist society does not care about climate change, nature and work ethics. It is driven by the mentality to consume more. People are running behind things, attaching consumerism to their personal lives and putting themselves in situations of anxiety, and stress. This consumerism ignites the animal instinct inside humans, we want to acquire more than we need. It is not going to be sustained for long.

As I mentioned earlier, one solution would be to live a low-profile life, with less greed and aversion. Localization of the economy could reduce consumption and help sustainable development. Electing a government which will not focus on gaining profit for the crony-capitalist friends is also important. 

Show off ,seeking external validation

       We are in the era of showing off. The technologies at our disposal, along with our dystopian society are encouraging us to do so. Showing off is an old characteristic of humans, but we seldom observe that, until social media has arrived. For the last two decades, we have been observing this trend. Previously the show-off thing was in the domain of rich and wealthy people. Rich people earn money to show off, and physical pleasure things come next on their list. Also, those who think they have knowledge of everything do it, from time to time. But now everyone(especially the middle class) is doing this, as social media and the internet are accessible to anyone. Now boasting is not limited to social media, it has become a compulsive habit.

        So why do we need to show off? because we are seeking external validation, of course. And why do we need the validation, because we don't value ourselves. It is always like if we don't get that job, that apartment(Read so-called family life), or that car, etc, we have not achieved anything in life. We attach our peace of mind to our desires. As a result, we are becoming so materialistic, a salve of consumerism. It is easy for manipulative masters to control us by showing us the carrot of growth, and success(the name varies according to the domain in discussion). The intended outcome, peace of mind is always out of our reach.

        Now there is another category of people, the so-called knowledgeable, those who are worried about their status in this dystopian society, so they show off to keep themselves relevant in their social circles. Previously politicians would maintain a low profile, at least in the northeastern side of India. Now because of this, corruption has reached a threshold level. So-called religious people are also not untouched by this trend, after all, they are also part of this society. Their pseudo-spirituality has made them live a luxurious life so that they can attract more disciples, resulting in more tax-free donations (income).

         The life is to live, not just to survive. Living life on our own terms is difficult, as society does not permit it. Society wants human resources to run the system smoothly for their masters, especially those who have control over natural resources, the corporations. We need to understand that our boasting would not take us anywhere. To know ourselves fully, to be aware of our true nature, and to seek the ultimate truth can only help us to achieve peace of mind.

Happy Loser (reluctant to participate in the rat race of life)

     People would tag person like me as Loser ,I would call myself  Happy Loser . I don't want to participate in the race of life ,as I don't find meaning to be in that race. If it is a race that means even if on one is winning ,someone will definitely be getting defeated . I am not the person who conform to the norms of civil society. In my observation I have never seen members of civil society doing anything different than any animal would do. We are just doing it the same things that animals do ,but wrapping it inside the name of civilization. The cognitive skills we human have, we are using it just to acquire resources more than we need ,and as a result there is competition (competitions are never be healthy when it is not about knowledge). Someone would say we need to improve ourselves to survive. So we are following the same survival of fittest strategy . And this society has already became the slave of consumerism ,as a result  if you don't earn enough to be above the threshold of society defined standard of Loser, you would be to consider as a loser. In this civilized society there is no place for spirituality . We should not mix religion with spirituality . first one is business ,later one is to find yourself. So there are stress ,anxiety etc. due to our  so called growth and improvement.

          "Resources."  Now if we talk about resources ,there should be enough of those for every human being to have a good life. But the current structure is in that way that those resources are controlled by only few people, sometime with the help of ruling government . The sustainable development is a myth nowadays. People may ask me if I am suggesting human to go back to stone age . I may ask the same question "Are not we?". What makes us civilized!! the car ?the Airplane ?AC? or improvement in health sector ?or improvement in technology to build weapons for mass destruction. What are we actually doing with those development? Nothing. Just creating more competitions . From the day of birth ,one is put into the competition ,like any other animal in wild. Difference is that we are kept on our toes ,we need to learn consistently just to survive. 

           Again lets move back to the Happy loser topic. From the beginning of the civilization there maybe lots of them, "the  Loser". This blog post is not my excuse to  currently not having any Job in corporate sector or anywhere . I imagine the whole society as a circus ,and here someone is a clown playing in their character, someone is juggler and other performers performing their scripted acts .Only few enlighten persons are seating in the gallery observing the whole show. In the Centre everyone is running in the circle, but no ones knows why. few of them has just decided to stop running and go to the gallery to have a seat and to enjoy the show. "Happy loser" they are.

Importance of Money and Job

        As I mentioned in the earlier post(the post) that I left my job ,kind of whimsically. I would not do that if I had a settle lifestyle, I would have other responsibilities, though it would put me in pressure cooker situation again. So as a consequence people (including friends and people connected through social apps )started keeping distance from me (a must needed step for them for survival), as this rebellion mentality is contagious.  

         I came back to this city Kolkata ,with the expectation in mind that it (the city) would accept me as I was ,would give me company in the tough time. But my prediction was not correct . This is like any other city with no friends around ,which is common characteristic for any city for an introvert like me. Beside that this city is going through a moral crisis ,political situation is at its worst condition. So the scope for doing something new here is out of question now. I may have to go back to corporate world ,but with different mentality . I have accepted that I have to work as corporate slave util I find another way. 

        I have seen posts about romanticising poverty. We all need money. Because we assign value through money, and absence of it would be considered as worthless according to the contemporary society norms. I have seen rich people preaching about why poor people are poor ,most of them came from from wealthy rich background. Yes they took risks ,avoided paying taxes ,avoided payment of loans and most important is that they convinced common people whom they call poor ,to invest in their venture.

        It will be very tough for me to return to corporate world due the the unstable employment history, but anyway I am left with no other option. hope the next year will be better than this one ,where I could forget the past or at least accept the disasters happened in the past.Two more months to go .

 

Bus ride and seat belt

It was a cloudy autumn morning in Kolkata , I recently quitted my another job within a month ,by paying hefty amount as buyout of notice period . If people ask why would anyone do that , my answer would be ,perhaps because i am crazy or out of my mind . generally this time of year , in the month of September it would be little hot and humid weather here, but this time it is completely different. I got a call from my maternal uncle that my cousin brother studying here in Narendrapur, was not well ,so if I could visit his place to check . 

Anyway As was officially unemployed(by choice) , I thought I must go . now I was thinking of availing public transportation ,instead of Uber or OLA. It was long time since I had travelled by Bus in Kolkata. maybe last time I took a bus ride in the year 2018 or 2019 here. In Bangalore I had to travel by bus for first few months. So in Kolkata the option would be Uber always ,and in recent time due to medical emergency we had to depend on Uber and OLA due to the distance of the Fortis from home.anyway most of the time I would take the front seat ,so for safety had to wear the seatbelt . 

So let's go back to the day I decided to take public transport . I found that this option is cheap too. I know it would be a break journey and may take more time than a direct Uber ride ,but I still decided to do that. Taking an auto from 206 Bus terminusI reached Karunamoyee Bus terminus ,from where I had to take a S9 or AC9 (air condition version of S9 ) towards Jadavpur.  It was Friday, very few people were scattered here and there,I found it unusual. Maybe because I have not travel by bus for a long time here ,so I was excepting crowd . I entered into the terminus crossing the big opened gate and the AC9 was standing there at the platform left side. I got onto the bus ,there was only one passenger sitting back row of the bus. I went to a back side of the bus. as I was accustomed Uber ride so , first thing I checked was the seatbelt .Then i reminded myself it was a Bus and Bus did not have seatbelts.Not only that ,as I was so obsessed with Taxicab rides I was impatient as the bus was not moving from at platform of the terminus for 15 minutes. then also I recalled that there were arrival and departure time ,before that it would not move .

so making the long story short, Taxicabs are spoiling us ,changing our habit to face crowded public transportation. 

 

Harsh Reality: Society discourages failure

     I have experienced it time to time .Due to my (So called ) unplanned life, I have seen when the life was going smooth, also have seen the darkest times.both of the time will repeat itself in future. But the thing is that when it was going smooth ,one could see people around me celebrating even tiny successes . But when it comes to rough and tough time ,people tends to not to keep contact. and I am also no exception.I did that knowingly or un knowingly in past to others. Now the definition of success vary man to man.but Society imposed norms try to generalised it ,most of the time it is based on Money or power.

    It is human behaviour(keeping distance) programmed by the mother nature , to avoid problems which may come if in contact with such not doing so well persons . But in my childhood days I have had seen the opposite of this behaviour ,people would be helping other people in need .I guess that time the sense of community was there, which is missing now a days.self centric people were there from the beginning, but the society would limit their effect with the commune mentality.

    But nowadays we all are victim of consumerism. we all are trying to achieve an unrealistic goal in life, as a result compromising with corruption, little or big, making the future existence of human race uncertain. We are trying to follow the lifestyle of western part of the world without knowing the ground reality there. I have seen people called themselves religious ,but the main motto of any religious scripture ,the truth, they avoid. we all are going for money to secure our future.The question is secure from what? from disease? from  bankruptcy? from natural calamity? actually we don't trust each others to get help from others at the old age, which is common in commune system, but not in this consumerist system .That trust issue and sometime ego ,force us to earn more(?) money, to be self -sufficient at any time. 

    Very few people like to do the work they are doing everyday. the creativity has gone from the mind of people of India .Creativity is only alive in the field of arts. In other fields we are just following order to please the clients. This dissatisfaction can be seen at the bars in weekends. we think intoxicating ourselves with liquor will relax us.  

       At the end of the day it is all about survival of the fittest . Harsh Truth.

Imagination : curse or blessing

    Today I realised that imagination can take you anywhere ,from moon to hell. My recent disaster is the result of overthinking and imagination . Today I talk to the person, about whom  I had negative thoughts  actually we both had. But when that person called after I requested to have a chat ,then I realized the texting is a very dangerous thing ,that can be misinterpreted . 

        If it were my last day of my life ,i would have no regret for anything ,as I got assurance that there is no more bitterness and we are fine with the ending of the movie .Everything has to come to an end and it should be graceful termination.

        One thing I have learnt form this experience is that whenever in bad mood, don't text.  So the thing is that Imagination helps up to improve ,invent and innovate things if channeled in right way. But it will destroy if accompanied by overthinking and channelled in negative way.

        so in relationship ,whether it is Business or personal ,if  I feel negativity I will stay way from the keyboard and will meditate.

Karma is real

   Every-time we go through a rough patch or dark time or bad phase of our life ,we try to find something or someone to blame for it ,without  realising why it happened. I am also not an exception ,but when I think deeper ,I find that "chakravat parivartante duHkhAni cha sukhAni cha" चक्रवत् परिवर्तन्ते दुःखानि च सुखानि च . It is an unavoidable circle of life ,it is some kind of equilibrium rule that nature has programmed . Only thing we can do to reduce its bad effect is to do good or at least think good, so as a result it will comeback as something good. We call it karma . people may relate it to their religion believes , but the fact is, if you did something bad it will bite you back someday.

    if people realize this fact, they probably will refrain themselves for doing  something that will hurt them in future .it is difficult ,as so many things like greed , want of pleasure ,power etc influence us to do things ,but if we can neutralize it ,eventually we will end up doing good for ourselves and for humankind and also for any living being.

        I found most of time the thing that make us sad is the expectations from others. we expect the people to be like this or do things like that and when they don't do we get disappointed . Expectations are good as in some extent as it fuel us to improve ,for ourselves we can expect to be a better person.But when you apply it to other ,the end result , most of the time is anger ,fight and  eventually eliminating people from life .

        I yet to find the recipe to maintain  the balance of good and bad ,but one thing I noticed that every dark phases I went through ,nature(religious people would call her almighty ) would always provide a light in the form of friend(who may or may not stay long ) or create some situation to meet new people who would change your life or at least the view.And that's also probably because of good karma of past .

Nature is mysterious ,and as Richard Feynman said “Nature uses only the longest threads to weave her patterns, so each small piece of her fabric reveals the organization of the entire tapestry.” I conclude this post with  his another quote

 “Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough.”

When being Positive is not a Positive thing:RTPCR

     So at last it has arrived ,probably in the form of omicron ,as if it was Delta I would not be able to write this blog with this mild fever and sore throat. Two days back when I was suffering with high fever, the lady(whom must not be named or mentioned as friend, as she instructed) called me over phone, to return few of the things that I left at my old rented apartment. So I had to go downstair, breaking the self isolation.This is one of the contact I had before the RTPCR report came. I need to inform about the report to all the people who came in close contact with me,  ,but unfortunately there is not way to update that person.

        Anyway the first two days were little tough ,could not sleep due to fever .And as I was suspecting it was due to issues related to stomach upset ,but the report that i got yesterday says it was my turn to let the virus in . Anyway even if it may not be the Delta but it should not be ignored at all. The only thing I am worried about is that my organ donation should not go in vain just because of the corona.For those two days I could not concentrate to office work or to scaler classes ,Dynamic programming is a not an easy thing to learn for me.

        I was in Isolation even before this covid, physically and mentally. I always found myself fighting alone ,Actually Everyone is fighting their own battle alone, they are  just in illusion of being supported by the people around them.In DSA we called it recursion where we break the problem in smaller single parts which in return contribute to the answer individually ,and by optimising it further we call it DP . 

       So My point is I have been to the adventurous journey we called life,I still to walk (or maybe run )a long way, the thing I observed that situations changes so as people .we all depends on the supply and demands ,if there is any mismatch you will be thrown out of your job, or from Relationship or anything . It is pure business that we all do unknowingly. and there is nothing wrong with it ,we are programmed to do that for survival. so as soon we realize the fact ,everything becomes easy. 

Review 2021, the things I got and things I lost

  The clock is showing 11:12pm, it is almost the time to to mark the beginning of the new year 2022. In this passing year 2021,I have gains and loses in my collection,.those are both tangible and intangible.

    This year at the beginning it started with the continuation of  undesirable things from the previous year 2020,as a result of the covid19.That time I recently quitted my job to start business,It failed due to failure of planning and also there was the situation that forced me to rejoin my job again.In this year I had relationship  for the first time in my life.it  started on Dec 2020 and ended on September 2021. Anyway this relationship taught me lots of things.moreover it taught me how to handle difficult situation and when to go away from the situation which is not in control or how to keep distance from the person with conflicting views, despite having feelings(this feeling will be there, as long as I exist ) for that person.

        This year was an achievement related to health and medical front, I  got chance to get into operation theatre as patient . Surgeon  had to operate on my broken elbow.Now I am having one metal plate and 5 screws implanted in my body .This achievement cost me a lot, but at the end of the day it was an achievement, was  it not ?  

     This year I enrolled myself   in scaler course which requires serious time for studies. One of the reasons I had to break the important connections. Hope that heavy investment will pay off,. This year I bought a property in share with my father. 

        So now i am trying to write the down the things with heavy head .I just don't find anything special on 31st of Dec or 1st Jan.All I know is there will be some more taxes to pay from tomorrow for few goods.

I will update this particular post later as I go back to past to collect the memories .I can hear noises as the clock's hand come close to zero hour.The night curfew is imposed .

To conclude, it was a good year... Hope that next one will be a better one 

without any title

   As the heading suggest I am the person without any title , as society suggests me to believe. I don't care much whether I am entitled(?) or not . But in my 36 year here in human form , (we can exclude 10 years for the sake of cognitive development years, so 26 conscious year ) I met people ,not a lots of people ,as I am an introvert.I found few categories of people whom I can divide into mainly two groups, one who does constructive criticism and another type who tried to do the counterpart . Constructive criticisms were always straight forward ,those people would say something on my face .but for the others I had to listen it from third party and most of them are not worthy to consider in future inclusion .

        I have seen people calling me mentally ill when I was in depression due to some issue related to my education and career choice .  It was illness and I am thankful to myself that I have recovered from it . There were stories  going on about me ,good and bad ,both. The same people would have commented about recent failure to establish my own business ,I yet to hear from them.

        and then there is another group of people ,who are wearing mask even before covid. They would laugh at you and comment on your behaviour but behind your back. One of them just defected the group of people(few of them used to call themselves friend) for the sake of friendship with me .She said she would not make fun of me if she would have knew me before . One question comes to my mind immediately, why would  anyone make fun of people ,how he walk ,talk or sit or do anything if he/she has not met him/her . I have seen this trait in many people .I make fun (satire) of politicians because their decisions directly impact my life.But I don't know why people do this kind of things to common people like me when they can use that time in productive entertainments.

         I am writing this sitting in my OYO room ,in Bangalore. I have found myself doing bad deal again.I always find myself other side of profit ,as I yet to learn how to bargain. That also makes me the subject of fun ,but I would say I prefer peace of mind (if affordable) rather wasting time on saving something I don't have.

        The thing is clear ,people would come and go . People who are really aligned with your mission will stay only, others will fade way ,as the fragrance of expensive perfume fades away at the end of the day.

        sooner people accept this reality sooner they will be free from all expectations. 

"দুর্বলেরে রক্ষা করো, দুর্জনেরে হানো,

নিজেরে দীন নিঃসহায় যেন কভু না জানো।

মুক্ত করো ভয়,    

নিজের 'পরে করিতে ভর না রেখো সংশয়।" - রবীন্দ্রনাথ ঠাকুর 

Update: I thought she has left the friends group ,that are fond of gossiping about others and doing destructive criticism  ,I was wrong . 

        

        

The mysterious celestial object

 13th Nov,2021,Kolkata

                    Yesterday in the evening around 8 o'clock,I was walking on the rooftop and doing sky gazing  as usual.I analyse the Landing and take off of the aircrafts for fun during my stay at there for fun.

So I was doing that ,and suddenly I notice a celestial object in the sky at north west direction .it was white and bright. As for last few week the landing is taking place from the south east direction ,it was really unusual to find any aircraft that low in that direction. And also it was not moving at all .At first I though it might be some kind of firework ,as Diwali has just ended .But then I thought I should probe into it .So i bring out my phone and opened the star tracker sky gazing augmented reality app to check which celestial object was it .the Star tracker app shows all the celestial object in app in that direction it is targeted to.

            I thought I was about to be a part of a mysterious celestial event .So I pointed my phone to the north west direction ,towards the direction of bright object in the sky .but on the screen it does not show anything like start or planet .neither I had any info regarding any such event.it showing M51 galaxy ,nearby.the light was bright and it did not move ,so I thought it definitely would not be an aircraft .

            Then was it an UFO (that thing did not strike me then though)!!! it was dark ,and suddenly I noticed that the light started moving towards south with a speed ,I assume it was 3-4 km away from my location and it got vanished .Mean while from the south direction two aeroplane landed . Then after 2-3 min I heard a familiar but unusual sound of moving rotor blades ,and I found that mysterious celestial object appeared again and was alining itself from south direction with the runway ,probably using its Localizer and ILS for its vertical slope. When the object was passing by over the building nearby ,even in dark I could see that it was small private Helicopter. And it took the opportunity from me to be a part of the mysterious experience . 

 

When I broke my arm

It was around 12, noon, 28th of April 2021, the West Bengal election time, new Government was about to be elected. I was doing work from home. The meeting ended a few minutes ago and I thought of watering the plants on the balcony so I filled a mug from the bathroom and went to the balcony, finished my job and when returning I slipped on a tiny H ₂O ₂ residual(we call it water) mixed with detergent that splashed during the process of filling the water in the mug.

Anyway, within a few seconds, I found myself lying down on the floor with my right arm which did not look usual, and I knew there was something wrong with it. I broke my right-hand elbow joint(I will describe it in medical terms later ). Anyway, my parents were worried and my friend came from her home, though it was a work day for her too. Me and my brother rushed to a doctor (not so)nearby clinic at CIT road. Before that, I informed my manager that I would not be able to work for at least two weeks. Anyway, in the evening I visited another surgeon with the help of her(that friend’s) father, and I decided to go for surgery at advised by Dr. Mondal.

During these periods I was not afraid or unhappy. People thought it might be a sad thing happened to me, but let me clear that it was just an unavoidable situation. Attaching sadness to it is a dangerous thing. I was not wearing the Chappals(slippers) so I slipped. I was making jokes about my situation. I also found that it was good that I had it, if it were someone other than me from my family then it could be worse, as they don’t know the Vipassana to stay calm. I will write down the journey in detail later. How the situation was in the private nursing home during COVID-19, the people and workers there, how was the surgery, all the things.

The main thing that I want to convey is that I was left with only two options. I could pity myself or I could make jokes about it and be happy. I chose the latter one and the after-surgery recovery time was reduced due to the positive mindset. I will have an issue with that hand in future, but that should not be a reason to be sad, I don’t have time to be sad about this kind of thing. People are dying of COVID, war etc etc, If those could be the reason to be sad then it is fine, as I can do something for those like donating money, spreading awareness etc. But for medical things, this is the work of a medical practitioner. I joined the office after 10 days of surgery and started working for half a day. My coworkers helped me also so as my team lead. Also, my family and that friend helped a lot.

So whatever the situation it may be you always have options to set your mind to, choose wisely.

An open letter to an imaginary friend (a walk to remember)

Dear friend(?) 

I still remember the days spent with you at parks, restaurants, in the street of this South Indian city Bengaluru. Sometimes you would dance in the middle of empty road at the time of night walk . We had fights but somehow managed to get back to the normal every night. But I am not the person you want to be with. You wanted security, but I am afraid of secure life. You wanted me to accept your sister and family members even after they insulted me like anything(the apology does not always serves the purpose, you know) . You know, I can starved to death rather compromising my self respect. You're a good person, with emotional outburst. You need to control it and remember one thing that money is important but it is not the reason to be happy, at least for me, it is not. I know people in Bangalore with same or less experience earning money twice than I am earning, but you know I am happy, I will go for earning more but my happiness is more important.you know I returned to Bangalore not for job or because my business plan that I said "it did not work(I have even not tried) ". Thank you for the journey of few months and taking care of me when I was not well, I will not say I had a great time, but I have learnt things. I will miss the warmth of your touch(? ) . I Wish you a good future. Good bye my good friend.

From

Captain Nemo

Farewell notes to this city

    I want to close the Bengaluru chapter in a positive note. To draw the picture of the state of mind I will tell two metaphors. First one is the sports metaphor related to my favourite football team Germany. I have seen they will always be in-game till the final whistle blown. I have seen them scoring at the last moment fo the match. Basically, I want to convey that good thing can happen at the end of the journey. so I am happy, not doing much of work, but collecting good experiences, moments and storing them in my memory and in my heart. the Second metaphor contradicting the first one, making the whole thing ironic.

  This one is about a TV series from our neighbourhood country Bangladesh, named "Housefull". This one is a comedy serial recommended by one of my friends. it is based on rally funny story and having all together 120 episodes. The story is based on a family living in Dhaka and relatives are coming to their home and staying there for a long time and their interaction with neighbours. But at the end of the series, people were leaving the house for the purpose of jobs and education. So the comedy serial ended up in a little bit sad note. The retired and old members fo that family were not happy about the fact. So as I decided to leave this city I am having the feeling that my good time here in this city has come to an end.

      Now when I am waiting for my full and final settlement and meeting my friends in between and planning for my next steps I am just in that mixed state of mind described above.

NB:- I will be returning to Bangalore soon.

Job or Entrepreneurship ...both are the ways to achieve dreams

     As time is going so fast and the days remaining to stay here in south India and in Bangalore is decreasing gradually, I have already started missing the time spent here. But I have to go back and give my so-called Entrepreneur soul the first chance. I have a few days left for my job,24th Nov 2020 is the proposed date. So in this situation, lots of things working on my mind.last week death of my nearest relative due to corona and also my family and friends were questioning my decision, put me in a situation to reconsider my resignation. So there was a resignation withdrawal process about to commence, but I told them that I was sticking to my previous decision, even knowing the risk of starting a small scale industry in this Covid infested economical situation.

       So during this time, I was having a discussion about Jobs and business with one of my friends over the phone. I was supporting my point of view about entrepreneurship and how more and more Bengalis should join the trend, so he asked if I was opposing doing jobs in government or private sector. He said if everyone was doing business then who will work for the business. That day I had no clear answer to his question. Later couple of other people, on social media also asked me the same kind of question doubting their career. I think this just the difference in the way of thinking. When we are doing business, we take the risk.  Providing a salary to the employee even it is one person, and that maybe only you, is one important thing with other responsibilities. For a job, the responsibility is to follow the commands to carry out the work smoothly. This also required a huge amount of creativity or skills or both. But still, people would complain about how boring his/her job is and there is a definite reason for that. All the roots are connected to our social norm and our socio-economic structure. And our age-old education system creating these structure. Our aim to do any job is to earn money, work gets the second priority. Those who give the work as a first priority gets the money as well. For government job I have seen people are opting for it as it is secure not that they love that job. No one in school is trained to join those jobs. Have you seen many pupils saying that they want to be a Bus-conductor or a clerk in BLRO office or a bank clerk? No there is no training to set up the mindset for those jobs. In the private sector, we sometimes have the privilege to select the job. But for government or public sector most of the people doing those to earn money. In fact, the harsh reality is even if people want to do the job they want to do whether in the public or private sector, but because of the huge population of India, it is really hard to get that. The same thing is applied for education too.I have seen my relatives and my coworkers are working on a domain different from their subject of study. There may be to reason,1.they might not be able to get the subject they wanted to study 2.they might have grown an interest in that domain lately.in the later case, the issue with work anxiety is not there. In business, we choose the path which we want to walk along, for Jobs we don't have many degrees of freedom. In both cases, we face the critical situation but for business, it is mostly our own decision so we don't complain, but for Job, any rise of any unpleasant situation forces us to question about our career choices.

           So the thing is that if it is Job or Entrepreneurship or any other things like arts, music, sports etc all of them have ups and downs. So if someone finds himself in a difficult situation in professional life then, considering the things he likes to do might help. But taking a hasty decision may not be fruitful. The simple mantra is doing whatever you like to do, as long as you courage and a little bit back up. For Jobs, we can explore new arenas within and we can upgrade ourselves if we are enough passionate about our works.

The main thing is passion, whether you are a bank clerk, a software engineer, a writer, a rickshaw puller whatever you are if you like the job, you will be always happy even in difficult situations, Otherwise, find your passion and follow your heart don't think about the outcome much.No one in the world will going stop you. Dream big and try to add some value to society. Another thing I would like to add. These words were said my Late Prof Randy Pausch in his "Last Lecture" and walking down the line for these much years in life, I am realizing those words. It says

“It's a thrill to fulfil your own childhood dreams, but as you get older, you may find that enabling the dreams of others is even more fun.”

help others to achieve their dream, believe me, it will definitely make your day brighter.

Durga puja '20 and Covid19, in my view

    It is the day of "Shashti" of  Durga puja, and I am living in a kind of self isolation when most of the people are working from home. Actually, I choose to stay here in Bangalore as I like solitude. so before I begin, I want to state the reason behind writing this "floccinaucinihilipilification". Once I was an atheist, now an agnostic. So my thoughts are mostly rational about any incident related to reality. But my ability to imagine sometimes amazes me. This one is of those cases, where I think my wish came true in an undesirable way.

        To dig deep to find the cause let's go back to a day four years ago.it was a fine morning of Durga puja, in the year 2016 at Kestopur, Kolkata. Better to say it was an early morning as the digital clock was showing 4 am on its display. I guess it was a day of Saptami. I was about to take part in an online test for a position of software developer for the location Amsterdam. I choose the early morning time to avoid the noise of loudspeakers and noise of the crowd doing pandal hopping. I clicked on the page of hackerRank and clicked on start the test, I assumed at that time it would be calm and quiet. But Alas I was wrong as two or three  Dhakis(a traditional drummer)started beating drums so loudly and not only that they were roaming around the locality at the same time. I couldn't keep my calm and immediately lost my temper, But I did not shout and did not do any stupid thing. I was trying to solve the programming problem of some iOs app. I was trying hard to concentrate on those questions but in the end, I finished my test early without solving all the questions. It was a timed exam, and the clock was ticking. Later when I revisited the problems I found it was too easy for me, anyway after two days I got a lovely rejection letter from them. I replied thanking them for the opportunity. One thing I did after clicking the finish test button, I wished that sometime in future there would be a situation where no one would be allowed to enjoy the festival. It was rage. Now when I see the current situation this is the thing I wished for that day. It is merely coincident, but I still feel guilty of having that kind of thought that day.

                Now when I've managed to confine myself in a room of 1BHK apartment, in a city miles away from my place, I realize I am missing those beating of drums by those Dhakis, I'm missing those noisy annoying crowd on the ally of our locality. So what I did this morning is Played the soundtrack of Dhak on youtube. I am not a religious person. but it is not about religion, it is about the festival. I have heard the people in Kolkata are instructed by High court, to stay at home in this festive season and to do pandal hopping virtually. In Assam and  Alipurduar, probably the situations are the same. To restrict the spread of Covid19 people are keeping themselves at home, and those who are not doing that ended up infecting themselves with the virus. My brother and my relatives in Kolkata are Corona positive despite taking cautions. They are doing fine but what I can see that it is an inevitable thing.

              I can remember those days when I used to go for pandal hopping with my friends by walking miles.and on one of those days we five came up with the Idea of "Pratyasha", the educational initiative, which then evolved into "Raddur" after a few of years. Durga puja and Food are synonyms, We also enjoyed eating street foods at that time. I guess if the Corona were not here, we would go for pandal hopping like the old days this year, in spite of knowing the fact that most of them are now occupied with new responsibilities.  

    Anyway, I want to end this post on a positive note, that this year might not be a good one, but next one will surely be great. And when all these things end, we will celebrate all the festivals with more enthusiasm.  "चक्रवत् परिवर्तन्ते दुःखानि च सुखानि च ". Till then we all will wait patiently for the sun to rise and all the gloom will go away, and not to forget the lessons we have learnt during this covid situation.

NB: Stay at home, always wear a mask when going outside.